Your Unkind and Unloving Ways

I have experienced your unkind and unloving ways... others have too.

Those that have not will eventually experience your unkindness...

...as you wait for the moment to reveal the real you....

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When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces. But He doesn't put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, He sifts through the rubble and selects some of the shards as raw material for another project - a mosaic that tells the story of redemption. ~Ken Gire

There is NO madness in LOVE. There is only LOVE in LOVE. If you've seen madness, then he has revealed his real self to you.

The hurt inside from the abuse.
You can't understand why you're being abused. You aren't for sure if you are being abused because maybe you think the abuse is really not that bad.

You can't distinguish the difference, all you know is that your heart hurt's from the sadness you feel inside.
You ask, Why is this happening to me? Especially from the person I love and he is supposed to love me back. Am I such an awful person that my loved one treats me like this?
No, you are not an awful person. You shouldn't be treated with abuse. Whether it is VERBAL, Mental or Physical. Abuse is abuse.

Emotional abuse is humiliating privately or publicly, controlling what you can and cannot do, withholding information from you, deliberately doing something to make the you feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating you from your friends and family, implicitly blackmailing you by harming others when you express independence or happiness, or denying you access to money or other basic resources and necessities.

Do you often feel as if you do not own yourself? That your significant other has nearly total control over you? You feel Depressed,unhappy and tired, can't make any decision's on your own? You can't sleep or sleep to much?
You eat to much or not at all? You just can't THINK,... period!!......

Emotional and verbal are treated with the least serious respect on the abuse scale, but it is just as serious as the others. We were all raised with, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." That is a crock! Words do indeed hurt, especially when you are being constantly assaulted with derogatory names, profanity, insults, and put in an atmosphere of constant fear so you are always "walking on eggshells."

Make the decision to stop being abused! Only he can change himself!

The goal of an abuser is control. They want you to behave only in the ways in which they want you to behave. They achieve this control with abuse.

The cycle of abuse is a huge part of your answer to How did this happen to me? For years, you have very likely been feeling that you have been going around in circles... not getting anywhere. Your feelings are correct.

You have likely kept on trying and trying your best to resolve issues and doing everything in your power to try to stop your partner's abusive behavior... and nothing has worked.

Nothing has worked because your partner doesn't want to stop controlling you
and abuse is his method of doing it.

Look what has happened to you! Your "failure" to stop the abuse and "failure" to resolve issues, has very likely set up feelings of helplessness within you because you can't seem to make anything better no matter how hard you try. As you keep trying, and failing, these feelings of helplessness grow. Your self-esteem is driven down and your sense of self-worth is shattered. You lose confidence in yourself and your abilities.

The abuse and your failed efforts to stop it, erode your self-confidence, devastate your self-esteem and destroy your sense of self-worth. You become fearful, insecure and dependent. Everything in your life eventually revolves around your abuser, their moods and their needs. You become a non-person, and as such, you are reduced to existing as your abuser's "possession."

You can't change your partner no matter how hard you try. You can't love him enough to make him stop abusing you. Only he can change himself or make the decision to stop being abusive.

The Cycle of Abuse keeps you fearful and off balance both emotionally and psychologically.
http://www.squidoo.com/abusedwomen

My abuser continually began having issue after issue, attempting to try and gain power and control. He whined to me about how his deceased wife mismanaged their finances, and was adamant about controlling the finances, once we were married. Since he resented that I worked a four-day week, sarcastically saying to me on my day off that "some of us have to work on Fridays, my abuser even discussed with me what I would be do with my day off without him. When I could no longer tolerate being thrown into the abyss of his dysfunction, he had the audacity to say to me that he didn't realize how much he loved me and then he would say "I was hoping you would change."