When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.

W.G. Benham
When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.

Stop pretending. There is NO "bolt out of the blue." Once again, it is YOU trying to make sense of his abnormal behavior and narcissistic personality. There is no rational reason, no "fate" that you can pull out of the sky or out of your ASS that is going to make it OK to normalize what is very sick and inappropriate.

You've become a little Gretel, leaving behind a trail of crumbs that have been trying to alert you that something is not right. It is not OK to accept the chaos and drama, the "madness" in love. He does not deserve your kindness, your compassion, your tenderness. He is not worthy of your gifts, yet because you don't believe in your own worthiness, you would give yourself away. And worse, you gave yourself to an abuser. This is hard to acknowledge, but even a prostitute gets paid more than what you have given away yourself to.

He will NEVER have wholeness, wellness. The more you rationalize that the "bolt out of the blue" or the "madness in love" is what your fate is, the farther you will continue to move from reality and into his abyss and control. You can be spiritual, have faith, forgiveness or whatever belief in GOD before you; however, "GOD and REALITY" are two different things. He does not live in reality and attempts to normalize his delusion. There is NO normal rational excuses that justify putting yourself beneath a prostitute to give yourself away. The harder you try, the more you will whittle away at the beautiful person you were meant to be in this world and the more you will continue to allow another human being to exploit the wonderful gifts you were meant to share with others.

It is then, when you are on your knees and have found that all your attempts to understand him have gone awry, you will turn to GOD and ask for mercy. Even with your fierce loyalty, compassion, empathy, and love, the pain will be nothing like you've ever felt before. YOUR GOD will lead you to FORGIVE YOURSELF, as you will come to learn how you abandoned yourself in all your attempts to rationalize what was not faith, nor madness in love. This is how a prostitute can do the work they do as well, because if you abandon yourself (disassociate from reality) you will find a way to rationalize the situation.

Don't abandon yourself. When you see a snake, never mind where he came from.