Your Unkind and Unloving Ways

I have experienced your unkind and unloving ways... others have too.

Those that have not will eventually experience your unkindness...

...as you wait for the moment to reveal the real you....

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When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces. But He doesn't put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, He sifts through the rubble and selects some of the shards as raw material for another project - a mosaic that tells the story of redemption. ~Ken Gire

There is NO madness in LOVE. There is only LOVE in LOVE. If you've seen madness, then he has revealed his real self to you.

The hurt inside from the abuse.
You can't understand why you're being abused. You aren't for sure if you are being abused because maybe you think the abuse is really not that bad.

You can't distinguish the difference, all you know is that your heart hurt's from the sadness you feel inside.
You ask, Why is this happening to me? Especially from the person I love and he is supposed to love me back. Am I such an awful person that my loved one treats me like this?
No, you are not an awful person. You shouldn't be treated with abuse. Whether it is VERBAL, Mental or Physical. Abuse is abuse.

Emotional abuse is humiliating privately or publicly, controlling what you can and cannot do, withholding information from you, deliberately doing something to make the you feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating you from your friends and family, implicitly blackmailing you by harming others when you express independence or happiness, or denying you access to money or other basic resources and necessities.

Do you often feel as if you do not own yourself? That your significant other has nearly total control over you? You feel Depressed,unhappy and tired, can't make any decision's on your own? You can't sleep or sleep to much?
You eat to much or not at all? You just can't THINK,... period!!......

Emotional and verbal are treated with the least serious respect on the abuse scale, but it is just as serious as the others. We were all raised with, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." That is a crock! Words do indeed hurt, especially when you are being constantly assaulted with derogatory names, profanity, insults, and put in an atmosphere of constant fear so you are always "walking on eggshells."

Make the decision to stop being abused! Only he can change himself!

The goal of an abuser is control. They want you to behave only in the ways in which they want you to behave. They achieve this control with abuse.

The cycle of abuse is a huge part of your answer to How did this happen to me? For years, you have very likely been feeling that you have been going around in circles... not getting anywhere. Your feelings are correct.

You have likely kept on trying and trying your best to resolve issues and doing everything in your power to try to stop your partner's abusive behavior... and nothing has worked.

Nothing has worked because your partner doesn't want to stop controlling you
and abuse is his method of doing it.

Look what has happened to you! Your "failure" to stop the abuse and "failure" to resolve issues, has very likely set up feelings of helplessness within you because you can't seem to make anything better no matter how hard you try. As you keep trying, and failing, these feelings of helplessness grow. Your self-esteem is driven down and your sense of self-worth is shattered. You lose confidence in yourself and your abilities.

The abuse and your failed efforts to stop it, erode your self-confidence, devastate your self-esteem and destroy your sense of self-worth. You become fearful, insecure and dependent. Everything in your life eventually revolves around your abuser, their moods and their needs. You become a non-person, and as such, you are reduced to existing as your abuser's "possession."

You can't change your partner no matter how hard you try. You can't love him enough to make him stop abusing you. Only he can change himself or make the decision to stop being abusive.

The Cycle of Abuse keeps you fearful and off balance both emotionally and psychologically.
http://www.squidoo.com/abusedwomen

My abuser continually began having issue after issue, attempting to try and gain power and control. He whined to me about how his deceased wife mismanaged their finances, and was adamant about controlling the finances, once we were married. Since he resented that I worked a four-day week, sarcastically saying to me on my day off that "some of us have to work on Fridays, my abuser even discussed with me what I would be do with my day off without him. When I could no longer tolerate being thrown into the abyss of his dysfunction, he had the audacity to say to me that he didn't realize how much he loved me and then he would say "I was hoping you would change."

Five Reasons to Stay With the Person You Love…OR NOT!

Before you learn whether you should stay with the person you love, hear this message first. Take care of yourself.

Can the person you love do what it takes to be in a committed long-term relationship?
My abuser promised me that, he would do whatever it would take to work on our relationship at all times. Although he said he would do “the work” his promises, his words were nothing more than lies. All the emails, cards, letters, promises that he would be patient, kind and supportive, was merely coercive tactics and not the person he claimed he was. Believe me, once I noted that what he said and what he actually followed thorough with was evident in his behavior. Lacking the accountability, character and integrity to be trusted, my abuser would say one thing and do another. The evidence was ALL in his word, actions and behaviors right from the start. His initial promises were just part of the grooming process and cycle of abuse. It didn’t matter to him the things he said, as long as his narcissistic needs were met and that he could keep on feeding his attempts to gain his self-worth. His neediness and coerciveness were ways to control me, to win my heart, so much so, that I actually wanted to have a wedding, just so I could stand in front of everyone near and dear to us and let everyone know how much I loved this man. To find out that he was nothing more than an abuser, was heart breaking. Yet, it was easy for him to say things that he would never be accountable to, because he is detached from emotions, from experiencing the true connection of being in a loving and intimate relationship.

Whenever I think of my dedication to this man, it makes me physically ill. To this day, I still have anxiety, nausea, palpitations, and migraines, brought on by the trauma of being in this relationship. When I revisit the multitude of correspondence he sent, I am overwhelmed by the manipulation and how I entrusted my life to this abuser. As you can see, his “best to take care of me” was abuse.

“Hi honey, Thank you for such a great weekend! I love our time together and look forward to spending my life with uuuuu! I love you very much and will do my best to take good care of you. The most important thing to me is that you and I are together, living OUR life. Good night my sweet honey.”

My abuser is so disconnected, he was willing to compromise the values of what was suppose to be a dedicated loving union, between the two of us. My abuser compromised all these values and my life’s precious moments, in order to feed his narcissism. I do know that with my abuser, there was ALWAYS some kind of chaos or drama occurring in his life. If he wasn’t complaining about one of his family members, or someone from his work, what they did, what they didn’t do, the focus of his negativity was directed to me. I mistakenly thought that he had been absolved from the dysfunctional and abusive family system, of the victim role and entitlement. However, once revealed, he presented as comfortable in the dysfunctional family system, ultimately choosing to remain a part of producing chaos and drama and needing to control.

The fact of the matter is my abuser even had issues with doing simple everyday tasks together, like grocery shopping. When a fifty year old man has to create chaos and drama over grocery shopping, even finding the need to discuss it in therapy, this is a HUGE red flag. Not only is this a red flag about his need for control, but also about the degree of functioning and coping skills you're dealing with. It then becomes a question of do I really want to deal with my abuser’s issues, those that appear insignificant, trivial and immature, at this point in my life? Is it cancer? Was someone in harm’s way? Or do I want to analyze and agree to not go down “isle five,” at the grocery store when my fiancé is shopping down “isle nine.” Do I want to justify spending an extra few dollars, when my earnings are significantly larger than my abuser’s, on an item that is NOT on the list, and that of course, he carefully planned out for seven days of meals? Am I not capable of making those decisions for myself, without my abuser inferring, that in spite of two masters’ degrees, I am incompetent, inept and useless? What I learned was that all those inferences and feelings he projected out on me, were feelings about him. Accuse me of being unfaithful because of the noises from my computer? Just one more example of how he projected his feelings and way to substantiate his infidelity to our relationship.

Another typical example of the degree of drama, and sadly, to my amusement, was displayed one day when my abuser and I were having a discussion and suddenly he said to me that he had “gashed” his leg at work. .
A “gash” is defined as “a long, deep wound or cut; slash.”
So, in my mind, I was thinking that he must have really hurt himself, yet, this was the first he mentioned it throughout our entire conversation. When I asked to see the wound, thinking that I would see gauze and a wrap of bandages, to my surprise, was a “finger” band aid. When my abuser pulled back the band aid, I saw was a scratch, barely breaking the skin and not even an inch in length. Now, if you think about it, this is how a child experiences getting a “boo boo,” as something bigger, a way to get attention. So, here I am, standing in front of a fifty year old man, with a “boo boo,” waiting to be fussed over and seeking to have his “boo boo” kissed…. and of course, if I didn’t react and feed into his borderline narcissism, my abuser would attribute it to more of my “incompetence.” I frequently found amusement in the way my abuser would react to small injuries, cuts, scrapes and similar everyday mishaps, as he would respond the same. In his flat affect, non emotional, Kermit the frog voice, he would say “ouch.”

Although his life’s trivial day to day mishaps and issues were magnified and of great importance to him, like the true narcissist, nothing that was of importance and meaningful to me was respected and honored. Looking at the scratch on his leg brings me back to reality and to understand that I was dealing with a very ill man. There is NO comparison that I informed my abuser a year in advance about my son’s college graduation and emphasized the importance of being supportive and being present at his memorable achievement.. There is NO comparison that I made hotel reservations a year in advance for my son’s graduation. There is NO comparison that I paid for plane tickets (agreed to by my abuser) nine months before the event and that we would be joining eight other family members for the event. There is NO comparison what so ever to the scratch on my abuser’s leg. Yet, he would still be cruel and use this major event in my life to instill anxiety, anger and pain in me. He would still create chaos and drama, be hurtful to me, my son and my family, and wait for me to finally burst from his unloving, abusive and hateful behavior. So, of course when my heart burst and I cried out in pain, I became angry. Just like the classic abuser & narcissist, he managed to avoid accountability and responsibility for his hurtfulness and turned the situation around on me. This is a very, very sick man. His excuse for not attending; “I don’t want to go.”

Just think, imagine this happening to YOU. Just think, in addition, you refinance your home and access a large sum of your retirement foundation and the cost of all your efforts. Just think about it. Think how you trusted, loved, and believed that your abuser would uphold the values of your dedicated loving union, as he promised.

Now think, you have found out that you were with nothing other than a sociopath, a liar. My abuser said to me “I couldn’t give you what you needed and you couldn’t give me what I needed.” One more attempt, in his disgraceful and borderline narcissistic way to avoid all accountability for his behavior.
Is it pure ignorance, stupidity, low intelligence, or a brain injury?
It is who this man is and unfortunately, not only does he lack the insight to see who he really is, there is no medication, therapy or cure that will help him. \
He is schizoid and has narcissistic & borderline personality disorders. .
The only thing left to do is RUN!

5 Reasons to Stay with the Person You Love
Laura Dave Posted: 18 Aug 2009 07:58 AM PDT
One of my favorite quotes about love and marriage comes from Oscar Wilde: A Man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. While that saying makes me laugh, Wilde is also getting to something important: Marriage is tricky.
And in today’s society where the martial woes of everyone headline news, we are presented with every reason in the world to give up on our relationships — and fewer and fewer reasons to stay. While researching my most recent novel, I sat down and spoke to women, men, and married couples about why they do stay. And, sometimes, why they wished they had. This is the best advice I’ve found.

1. Love is a decision
Watching Governor Sanford stand up over these past weeks and speak about how he found his soul mate in his Argentinean lover reminded me of something Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun and author, wrote about Sweat Lodges. She wrote that the only way to be in a Sweat Lodge – to experience all that it brings – is to sit far from the exit. Because if you sit too close, you will find a reason to use it.
The same is true of any long-term relationship. If you decide to look for an exit, you will always be able to find it: whether it comes in the form of another lover, or another life. But the couples I spoke with who decided to commit to their marriages and relationships – to be present for them, to help them grow more sacred – told me that they were immeasurably rewarded for that decision. The more committed they grew to their marriages — the further they sat from the exit — the more joy and peace they found there.

2. There is No Weakness In Forgiveness
I’m not happy anymore; or I’m disappointed; or I have doubts. Three familiar catchphrases that free us up to not work to bring a relationship back to a positive place. In fact, we are conditioned these days to believe that the brave thing is to move on when the honeymoon is over. But that very standard makes it hard for any long-term relationship to survive inevitable disappointments.
While some would argue that it is brave to pick up and start a new life when a relationship begins to ebb, the truly brave thing – the hard and valuable thing – is to figure out how to find a new flow together. As one couple, who is happily married after 40 years together, informed me, “The most invaluable gifts come on the other side of the bad periods. If we hadn’t forgiven each other for the hard times, we never would have experienced such good ones.”

3. Someone New Won’t Be New For Long
One factor is consistent in all studies of marriages and long-term relationships: a main cause of divorce and separation is infidelity. Those that stray (statistically, women as much as men these days) sight many factors as reasons: a breakdown in passion, a breakdown in communication, a breakdown . . .
But statistics also tell us that the chance of a relationship born from infidelity being successful is less than 1 and 100. Less than 1%. More often than not, the best thing someone new has going for him or her is being . . . new. And, once they aren’t anymore, you are left in an even more precarious position.
Whoever you choose – it always comes down to one thing. How hard are you willing to fight to make the relationship work? How easily are you willing to give your relationship away?

4. Often the Person You Are Running From Is You
Surprisingly, of all the reasons couples gave me for why they chose to end their marriage or relationship, the loss of love or mutual friendship was often notably absent. It often came down to something else: the desire to start a new life. To not grow old. Or, at least, to not feel like they were.
It is difficult to stay with the person who knows you best when you don’t like what we see in the mirror. It may be easier to blame your partner than to take a hard look at yourself. But, at the end of the day, it isn’t your partner’s responsibility to change your self-image, or to fix your self-doubt. It’s yours. And, if we want to like ourselves better, running out on a person who likes us the way we are isn’t a wise starting point.

5. You Don’t Need A Reason
Like anything worth having in this life, marriage and long-term commitment are hard work. Sometimes knowing that can be enough to help us not pick at the scabs while they are healing, to not make things worse as opposed to letting them feel better. As a lovely couple in Seattle Washington reminded me, things will feel better. “Be good to each other, be patient. If you allow it, love always lives through that.”

My abuser sat close to the exit, waiting to run, he was never present in the relationship. He would easily give our relationship away. My abuser would easily look to finding a new life, then deal with the disappointments, hard times and forgiving of one another that is part of a lasting relationship. My abuser could not tolerate the emotions that come with intimacy and relationships. He could not look at himself, his own words, actions and behaviors. He would rather place blame on me and easily give the relationship away. My abuser is an abuser, and for him to be good to me would never happen.

YOU are reading THIS for a REASON!

Remember, if you are reading this message it was brought to you for a reason.

Maybe you are still in the honeymoon phase, and you probably think that this is not YOU! Like all of us, most certainly, you have said these words that "I wish I would have listened to..." Well now is the opportunity to set aside your ego and recognize that if you have been blessed with even semi-average intellectual capacity, you will use that intellect and read further. One thing is for sure, sooner or later you will realize that madness is just madness, and HIS distorted perceptions and cognition are nothing other than madness ....and with madness, there is NO rationalization or reasoning. It is only you, and your need to make excuses for his madness, so you compromise yourself, grasping for a valid rationalization to validate his distorted perceptions and cognition, "his reasoning". It is only you and your hope that what you believed in was real, authentic and true. It is only YOU trying to believe that he loves you. However, the reality is there isn't anything real, authentic and true. What you've been coerced to believe is part of the madness he creates, so no matter what his "reasoning" is, you will find a way to validate it, even if it means abandoning yourself to do that. This is what he seeks, the power and control, so eventually, you will question whether it is YOUR madness, until you've taken on the burden of what is really HIS madness, HIS drama and chaos. It is abuse.

Read this carefully... regardless of your pessimism, as this is probably the ONLY outreach you will have from someone that has been where YOU are. Hopefully you will be smart enough to digest what I have written, not to be offensive to you, but with intent to let you know that what you most likely are experiencing is what it is. LISTEN to your voice, that alarm inside that says there is something VERY wrong... and stop trying to rationalize what is irrational, what is ABNORMAL! I would be completely aghast if you were so blind, so ignorant, that you would rather be in denial, than to admit you understand this message.

Most often, abusers, YOUR abuser will isolate their victims. Initially, YOUR abuser will show great attention, concern for meeting your family and promise you everything you desire. However, you will not notice, not initially, but soon you will be separated from your family and exposed less to his family members. This is to protect himself from his family knowing the truth, as he has controlled and weaved them into his dysfunction. He will accuse YOU of wanting to control (more of his projection) and degrade you in the process, saying things like "it seems like you are keeping me from my family," yet you are the one that has begged for his support all along. He will be thoughtless about your own child(ren), even when you have tried to be conscientious and considerate of providing your support and acknowledgment of his. He will create more and more isolation for you, as he sucks your energy, your good will, your achievements, until he has drained whatever he can from you. Then, because he "says" that "he loves you more than anyone," he will continue to blur the boundaries and do whatever he can, until you burst.

At that moment, when he has hurt you so deeply that you can no longer tolerate the abuse and burst, he will negate all accountability and responsibility to you or your relationship and manipulate what he has done to you, your child(ren) or your family as YOUR fault. HIS HURTFUL BEHAVIOR is NOT YOUR FAULT! He is an abuser.

So, when he abandons the relationship, without conscience, remorse, care, kindness or consideration, you will learn that this is just more of his pathological behavior. Behavior of someone sick. This is abuse. YOUR man is an abuser. He has no friends, no one. All he has is his family, and they have been deluded, as one would behave when part of a cult. It all appears normal and will continue to feel normal.

When you no longer are able to tolerate the dysfunction, chaos, drama and abuse, you become the object, the target that he projects his anger, hatefulness, and unresolved childhood pain. Unable to chance the possibility of being exposed and compromise his role of being a victim, he will purge all his hatefulness further on you, trying to use his "band aid" therapy dialogue to project his issues onto you. He will even go so far as to threaten you. This is pathological, behavior from someone that said they loved you.

No conscience, no accountability or responsibility to the damage they caused, these are traits of a sociopath. Insight into himself is non existent, and instead of doing the deep therapeutic work that needs to be done, he barely touches the surface, using "band aid" therapy to settle the chaos he has caused and again, desperately maintains his role as victim. After the chaos settles, most certainly, he will pursue to engage in his dysfunction again. The pattern will continue, needing to find "someone," "anyone," as the object, so he is quick to resume another relationship. Most certainly, when you are pushed off your pedestal, and when he is finished using you to fulfill his narcissistic needs, you will realize you have been exploited and brought to your knees by a man that "said" they loved you, in order to feel better about himself. All the while, you are in disbelief, as this is the man you have given your life to, your future.

So, when he moves on, like he has, know that whatever lies you have begun to believe, whatever VICTIM he has become and whatever question in your mind that gives you an OUNCE of ambivalence, is the key to all his despair and dysfunction. No doubt, he has made some logical excuse to affirm his quick connection to you, but because you are not thinking and have been deluded by his distortions, you have not noticed or thought about how a kind, caring and empathetic person would have difficulty with such quick commitment. YOU have been groomed into his cycle.

Deluded to believe in a man that does not exist, by a man that cannot tolerate emotions or intimacy and is unable to be empathic to the feelings of another human being. If he had an ounce of empathy, he would have the ability to delay his own needs, in order to honor the people he "said" he loves. Instead of sneaking across the street to have sex with the sixty year old neighbor, three months after his wife died, he would have supported his son, instead of leaving him home alone. He would have put his own needs aside and supported my work towards reaching a career milestone, instead of pressuring me to purchase a new home and move.

Accusing ME of bringing my past into the relationship (more of his projection), I learned later that he was desperate for any excuse to not be accountable or acknowledge the abuse he inflicted upon me. I have worked diligently with professionals for almost two years to work through the mess he brought into my life. I am also a professional that educates other therapists. Yet, because he is so pathological, he has fooled many many people over the years, including me, his family and most likely his own therapist.

You will make the choice whether to become an enabler and fit into the larger dynamic among others who choose to be in denial and continue to foster more stupidity and dysfunction. You can be watchful, keep yourself safe, trust your instincts, refrain from excusing socially "retarded" behavior, cognitive distortions and refuse to keep taking the blame for the feelings projected on to you. Or... with your fiercely loyal convictions and determination, you can believe every word that falls from his blubbering coercive lips and see where you fall... and unbeknownst to you, that HUGE risk will likely lead to history repeating itself. Understandably, at this point, you are threaded into his world and still remain "fierce" to be "loyal" through and through.

That also means that you have accepted your "less than respected" place, even though you may aggressively deny your lower status among the inappropriate enmeshed family system. However, you will remain loyal to merrily play along and be an active contributor to the dysfunction. Even better, if recruited by a family member, you've unknowingly continued to perpetuate the inappropriate enmeshed relationships with an incestuous flavor, as you are the "special offering." A mother, sister or daughter cannot choose themselves. Lucky you, once removed...

Now, here is a HUGE clue: First, if you are a "special offering," you've already consented to be the pawn for someone else, the convenience for him, and have already abandoned yourself. Second, is your man so socially retarded that he is unable to find a date on his own or is he just too damn lazy to do the work? Third, let me guess.... he said that he wanted to meet someone the family knew because the last relationship was a disaster (CLUE: he cannot function outside the dysfunction).

I too, just as you will, fell into the abyss of his destruction. For almost TWO years, with the help of other survivors and professionals, I have had to work through and recover from the web of chaos and destruction brought into my life. I am hoping that you will read this message long enough and stifle any aloofness from thinking this could never be YOU! Believe me, I thought that too.

However, you are more fortunate than I was. Had someone attempted to reach out to me with concern for my well being, I may have listened just long enough to have been more mindful. I may have seen how I was isolated from people looking out for my welfare and not ignored attempts to reach me. No matter how well meaning, grateful, generous, hard working, and committed you are to nurturing your relationship, so certain that you will never come across a compromise too great, you MUST be cautious, for your life will ultimately depend upon it.

Trying to focus on the good, the positive, I felt it essential to express gratitude, even when my abuser, was throwing me a bone, just like the bone you're now consenting to chew on. Then, one day I woke up and found that after the "honeymoon," there was nothing but shit flung in my face. That behavior is NOT something that a fiancé would do, behavior of someone that says they love you. That is someone angry, hurtful and sick. To survive in that, you too, will have to be sick.

With that, you will undoubtedly, without question, subject yourself to the same anguish you had felt once before. Perhaps that comes easily for you, rather than honoring yourself, your body, your intelligence, your gifts, you'd rather accept. There is no great achievement for being a martyr, for accepting the hurtfulness of your abuser, yet you've embraced it as you did once before.

Only this time, the degree of that anguish is ten fold. The previous was blatant, and this is a venomous, slow, creeping snake that will bring you into his abyss of emotional terror, and all the while, you will believe there is something wrong with you. You will continue to believe it is you, because after all, he loves you. Moreover, you are fiercely loyal.

It is him. He does not know how sick he is, because that is who he is, it is his personality. Remember, he does not live in the world, and you now belong to his world.

If you are a genuine honest person, do not think that for one moment any caring, compassion or kindness you embody will prevent you from this master. You are the perfect prey, because no matter what, you are more loyal to him than you are to yourself. In addition, if you have any assets, you're an even better candidate, so be watchful with his eagerness to move forward.

From this moment forward, you are a volunteer and will not be a victim because you have been well informed. The choice to volunteer is yours, keeping in mind that once again, you may repeat these words; "I wish I would have listened to...."

I beg you, don’t be stupid!

Protect yourself. You may not see or believe it now, but you will be thankful that you chose to be safe, rather than sorry. Ask yourself this question; do I really know this man well enough NOT to error on the side of caution? Of course you will say YES! I did!

I had NO DOUBT, I trusted him with EVERYTHING in my LIFE and truly believed that he was who he said he was. Ultimately, his behavior never matched his words and I suffered for it. I too, was fiercely loyal.

This means that you MUST protect yourself from his self seeking behavior. Demand he wears condoms! NO oral sex! ……and DO NOT open your wallet for anything! Take measures to protect your assets at all costs! If this man or any man really honors, respects and cares for you in the fullest sense of the word to tell you that he LOVES you, he will honor EVERY request you bring forth. Relationships are difficult, hard work. If your man, the man that wants to “do better, be better” is telling you that he LOVES you and is genuinely forsaking all others and is truthful to his word, he will be ready and willing to do the actual honest hard work and respect and honor ALL of the limits and boundaries you demand to protect yourself from harm.

He repeatedly blurs the boundaries because he cannot tolerate you limits and therefore, he becomes the perpetual victim in every situation. Every failed relationship, every situation gone wrong, he is ALWAYS the victim and never bears responsibility for his behavior. Don't be surprised if YOU become accountable for every hurtful thing HE does to everyone and to you! Since he is an abuser, he cannot be a "stand up MAN," and be accountable or confronted. Unbelievable and disgusting, my abuser even threatened me, the person he said he "loved more than anyone." PATHETIC cannot even describe or justify that behavior. No ONE has an entitlement to the gifts YOU bring to the world.

If you are compromising yourself one iota, and you think that this is NOT YOU, then you are definitely in harms way. Think about the last relationship you had. Did you have the wool pulled over your eyes then? Was it because you were kind, compassionate, caring?

Do NOT be so ignorant to think that you have chosen differently this time. There is a reason this may “feel” good to you. Do not compromise yourself, as you may end up suffering serious repercussions needlessly. If I’ve written anything at all that makes any sense, I pray that this is the message you will hear the most. If you knew what happened to me, every bit of it, the health risks I face, the financial stress, perhaps you will protect yourself, instead of fostering more stupidity.

May you be safe and free from all danger and harm.

Hurricane Bill Projected Path - Watch Closely!!

The first tropical storm of the Atlantic season has hit the north-eastern Caribbean and the Florida Panhandle with gale-force winds and driving rain.

Although Tropical Storm Claudette weakened as it hit land, strong gusts of wind continued to batter Panama City in Florida during the night.

Hurricane Bill, which is currently producing tropical winds extending out 200 miles, is expected to become a major storm in the next couple of days, although it is not expected to hit Florida.

Hurricane Bill projected path speculation is rising now that Hurricane Bill has become a serious storm. The projected path of Hurricane Bill is the first one of serious interest in the Atlantic hurricane season.

Hurricane Bill Projected Path Watched Closely in the Atlantic Ocean for the moment. However, Hurricane Bill's projected path may bring it on land within the end of the week, though people on land still have a lot of time to prepare.

The Hurricane Bill projected path still gives the storm a few days to become a real, threatening hurricane. It remains 1100 miles east of the Lesser Antilles, with maximum winds up to 75 MPH. However, the Hurricane Bill projected path speculates that it will pack a punch when the week ends.

Hurricane Bill is projected to become a major hurricane by Wednesday, as it begins to get closer to land. The first land to be threatened could be the Virgin Islands, as Hurricane Bill may skirt the northern edge. It is Bermuda that might get hit by Hurricane Bill by the end of the week.

However, other predictions have Hurricane Bill's projected path missing land altogether. Though Hurricane Bill may increase in strength over the next few days, there is still a good chance that it may not make landfall. The biggest damage to the shores may come from high tides created by the remains of Hurricane Bill.

The Hurricane Bill projected path is still being watched closely, in case the best case scenarios are wrong and it does hit land. It is part of a massive new string of hurricane watching, as Tropical Storm Ana begins to die down, Tropical Storm Claudette reaches Florida, and Hurricane Guillermo finally starts to weaken in the Pacific.

This August 16 NOAA satellite image shows Tropical Storms Ana (centre) and Bill (right). Tropical Storm Claudette hit Florida early Monday, lashing tourist resorts with strong winds and heavy rain as Tropical Storm Bill, the first Atlantic hurricane of the season, was reclassed as a hurricane after gatherng power.

This National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) satellite handout image shows Hurricane Bill soon after undergoing an eyewall replacement cycle. Hurricane Bill, a Category 2 storm that is the first of the Atlantic storm season, continued to strengthen Tuesday with wind speeds hitting 110 miles per hour (175 kilometers per hour), weather forecasters said.

(AFP/NOAA)

One Response to “Bill now a major hurricane” August 18th, 2009 at 11:38 pm

1. Pat A. Says:

I don’t think anyone living along the EC should let there guard down. I know the models can be somewhat accurate. But I have seen Hur

ricane miss troughs, currents ect.. Bill is a powerful Hurricane, which should not be taken lightly. I believe two troughs has to come in to play when it comes to Bill being steered out to sea. So we need to see what the end of this week holds.

So, hold tight my dear readers. It just goes to show you how unpredictable Hurricane Bill is and you just don't know what kind of damage it will do. My suggestion is to make sure you don't get pulled down in the undercurrent, or swept away, thinking you could battle this one out.

Certainly, if you follow too close, you're likely to be left with some major damage from this horrifically abusive storm. After Hurricane Bill, you'll be blessed just to get away alive.

COME AND VISIT FREQUENTLY! COMING UP NEXT :

Five Reasons to Stay With the Person You Love…

"You came in contact with a non human from another planet!"

In my struggles to learn more about the trauma and my experience with my abuser, I found a community of women that have had the same experience as I did. When I read or listened to their stories, I felt as though we were all talking about the same person, the same abuser. Some women have remained with their abusers for decades, and have literally sacrificed their whole lives being in an emotionally abusive relationship. One thing is for certain, I am grateful that I did not end up spending decades being sick with an abuser. Although I have worked with many chronically mentally ill clients, my abuser’s charismatic passive behavior and victim role, certainly pulled my heart strings and deceived me. I have been reassured by many of my colleagues that even in our professional capacity, sometimes we are even deceived by our own client’s. At times, we don’t learn until much later about our client’s severe personality issues, just like I didn’t learn about my abuser’s issues until AFTER I was well groomed and trusted my abuser implicitly.

To this day, at this very moment, when you read these next few words, know that any thought of my abuser that crosses my way comes with recalling the feeling of immense emotional trauma, a memory of him taking a knife to the very core of my soul in an attempt to suck the very essence of who I am. With that, I also experience a horrible tightening of my stomach, like a twisting and wringing out of all my internal organs. My hands quiver and a lump swells in my throat, because even a thought of my abuser comes with reoccurring trauma. When this happens, I have to remind myself that I survived, that I didn’t have to drink alcohol and get cancer to get away. I only had to have my cervix cut from me twice, hoping I won’t eventually get cancer, as a result of my sexual contact with my abuser. With that, and losing a large portion of my financial foundation, the blessing is that I survived. Through the trauma and pain, I have somehow found purpose. I have learned the importance of how the SECRETS of my pain and trauma can bring to light these secretive emotional abusers. If sharing the SECRETS of my abuser can spare one person the pain, trauma and damage caused by a passive aggressive abuser, then I have found purpose.

If you are reading my page, you were brought here for a reason. Not by fate, or chance, but because this message is for you! Hopefully, you will read every word and keep reading every word, because it may be the lifeline for understanding that you are not crazy (youarenotcrazy.com)!!

Had I not been so isolated, perhaps I would have listened to the words of my friends, family and colleagues. They helped me to see that my “bishert (destined mate)” was an abuser and they helped me to understand that I had been living in a dream that he created for me, a dream of hope, promise and love. That dream was something my abuser could never be capable of, as he is incapable of intimacy, tolerating ambivalence and being accountable to do the work that a healthy loving relationship requires. Eventually, you will notice that you are doing all the work and the only one that has embraced working towards the dream of hope, promise and love.

Although my abuser was married for twenty years, he had abandoned his marriage long before his wife died. Even when she became ill, he detached, never taking the opportunity to join with his wife and help her with the very private and intimate moments of her end-stage illness. Having done hospice work for over four years and experiencing several personal intimate losses myself, I know that before loved ones move on, ending moments are so precious and can be so meaningful for everyone. My abuser would never experience that kind of intimacy.

That connection would require my abuser to be vulnerable and present, to be empathic and caring, to be the most loving towards another person and be there for them. He had abandoned that privilege by doing the essentials and detaching from the emotion, a catalyst for creating a positive experience for both of them. He portrayed himself as a victim, stating he wished he had become ill, in order to get out of his marriage. He never expressed the normal compassion and empathy that one would expect when seeing a loved one suffer. He was a victim, having to “cut the legs off the bed, change the linens in the middle of the night and constantly run to the pharmacy.” The privilege of joining and being present was abandoned. I had no reason to believe that would ever change. I learned that my abuser was intolerant of managing any emotions that could lead to intimacy.

"There are many types of abusers, they all lack empathy or they would not be that way. Some of us came from abusive homes, some us from semi normal homes. Your profession, your income, your nationality, color, male or female. No matter your background, it can happen to anyone, even mental health professionals can be taken in."

"How do they invade out minds and change our thinking about everything? We end up questioning our sanity and wondering who we were or are, from our encounter with one. That is why recovery is so difficult. Abusers slowly and methodically destroy our hearts and minds. They take pieces of us, bit by bit, over time; you don't even know you are being robbed, till you are depleted of everything. You then mix in the confusion of good times, which appears to be loving and human, and the bad, not loving and not human like at all. You think you will be able to get the good guy, if only you can turn yourself inside out for him. You know there is that good side of him, so he has you hooked and thinking you can get that good guy. You just need to love him more and put a little more work into the relationship. You love that good guy, you know he exists; he is connected with love, pleasure and good times. Your focus and goal becomes all about getting that guy. You no longer think about yourself and what you want in the relationship. Prince Charming is trapped inside this person and your love and caring will release him so you can live happily ever after."

"What we don't know is narcissists and abusers are at war in their heads, you are the enemy. They take PRISONERS not PARTNERS. You become a prisoner in his private hidden war. He brainwashed and tortured you every day in your relationship. He knew exactly what to do to break your spirit so he could gain control over you. He told you what to think and feel and when he felt like it he rewarded you with some crumbs of kindness. We are so starved of love and human contact; we eat up those crumbs of kindness and crave our next meal from them. We are starving for a human being to return our love and appreciate us. They gain power over us by mixing pain and pleasure, believing we will end up with the good guy, but, THEY DO NOT EXIST."

"When it is over, whether you have been dumped or trying to get away from them, you have survived an emotional holocaust, brainwashed and tortured and you wonder why you are having such a hard time getting over it. You are left to sift through the destruction and rubble to find pieces of yourself. You have to try to remember who you were to even begin putting yourself back together. You try to think, what did I do wrong, where and when did it go wrong, what did you miss, what more could you have done, how could you be so stupid, why would you put up with it, why did I stay, why didn't I leave, why can't I just move on?"

"Never ending questions trying to make some sense of it all, but it will never make sense. It had nothing to do with you. Then we think we are co dependent, we enabled our abusers, we loved too much, and we had no self esteem to have let this happen to us. We now feel ashamed of ourselves, for letting this happen. We end up feeling and being responsible for it all. The abusers move on totally unaffected, looking for their next prisoner to take in. They suffer no consequences, you do. He blamed everything on you, made you responsible for everything that happened and then you are basically told you brought it on yourself. Maybe there are some people who are co dependent, but it does not apply to everyone. It does not apply to prisoners taken in by narcissists and abusers and tortured in their camps, YOUR LOVELY HOME. They are from another planet; they come for the hearts and minds of the loving caring people on our planet. They look like us and they can act like us. You have no way of knowing till you are in their camp. It can happen to anyone, and they need a never ending supply of loving people to live every day of their lives."

"A normal breakup or divorce is hard but this is so much more. They rearranged your mind, depleted and deleted everything that was you, sucked you dry and you wonder why you are having such a hard time of it. You were a kind loving human being with an outstanding capacity to love, and THEY HAVE NONE OF THAT TO GIVE TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. You did not know people like this existed. I know I thought everyone treated other people the way they would want to be treated; well not everyone sees the world that way. Set up boundaries for the way you want to be treated from now on, don't ever settle for anything less. You deserve to be loved for who you are and to be treated with respect and dignity always. Some things in life do not or ever will never make sense, narcissists and abusers are two of those things. So as long as we question ourselves and try to make sense of it, we keep them in our heads. The feelings you are feeling are all normal when you have been held a prisoner of war, a hidden war in their heads."

"Sadly for those of us who have survived, understanding and support is hard to find. You have to live it to know what it is like. The road to recovery is facing it all, releasing the memories that will never make sense. You can make sense of the insane behavior, you had nothing to do with it, and it was not you. Focus on yourself and what you want to do, you deserve a life. You can't rush it; you must have the same amount of patience and love you gave your partner, BUT THIS TIME FOR YOU. Don't beat yourself up anymore; you came in contact with a non human from another planet. "

Posted by Mamolie Posted on Nov 28, 2007 9:48 AM

A Sheep in Wolves Clothing! (una pecora in wolve abbigliamento )

Many interesting and enlightening moments have occurred for myself, since I came to terms that I had been involved with an abuser. From the start, when others had said to me that I was being abused, I had difficulty grasping the concept, in understanding how and why this person would be so volatile towards me. When I finally embraced and accepted just how sick my abuser is, I came to understand my role and how I enabled him to continue to be abusive and sick in our relationship. You might say he was the "Sheep in Wolves Clothing." Quick and needy, he is a predator, looking for someone to project and feed his pain. Despite his "band aid" therapy, he certainly is an animal of a different kind and the "feel good" moments will eventually turn awry. He seeks other co-dependent women, and women that have accommodated and tolerated the dishonesty of previous partners. These are the easiest to manipulate, to win their sympathies as "victims" to his circumstances. So, when he "rescues" his next victim from the woes of her past, and she begins to believe his delusions and quickness to fall in love, she will suddenly forget that not so long ago, she had been in a deceptive relationship and has entered another. For the abuser, my abuser, he cannot be without someone to project his pain on. The sheep in wolves clothing has conquered another prey!

Oh, and falling in love, swiftly, quickly is another big clue. Throw the co-dependent a bone, just enough to keep fostering the grooming process.

When I think of the pain I have suffered from allowing myself to be with this abusive man and how it has been so difficult for me to fathom how immensely sick he is, I learned that the level and sophistication of his abuse has become how he has navigated the world. In order to obtain the level of coercion and secrecy he achieved, my abuser mastered his ability to distort reality, control and manipulate. He would use multiple excuses, blame others, become the victim and project feelings he could not manage or tolerate. That deceit and deceptiveness is genuinely who my abuser has become. It is his personality, his character. This is something he learned and most likely in his early childhood through the modeling of his caregivers. The very issues he would complain to me about his mother and sister, were the very behaviors that he did himself. Dysfunction and sickness to the core. Interestingly, my abuser told me he hated his father, that he didn't even talk to him. He said his father was a drug addict and that he left when he was ten years old. Yet, my abuser stated that when he moved from home, he lived with his father and also participated in drug use, side by side, with his father.

This is an example of how the boundaries with his parent were inappropriate and blurred. Yet, when this is all you know, respecting the boundaries that others have for themselves becomes difficult, because that means postponing getting his needs met. My abuser could not tolerate boundaries. So, what may have appeared as my abuser showing consideration and care, insistent at the "coupling" of our relationship, was just manipulating the boundaries from the start. Therefore, when I could not tolerate my abuser overstepping the boundaries, through his inconsideration, disrespect, coercive behavior, belittling, blaming, shaming and hatefulness, my heart burst. My abuser chose the most hurtful and hateful way to show the wolf he really is.

However that pain, that hurtfulness I have found is me being healthy. I could no longer accommodate the dysfunction that my abuser lives in. I could no longer tolerate the schizoid, narcissistic and borderline behavior. I could no longer allow him to continue to place blame and be the victim. I could no longer allow my abuser to project the hurtfulness of his fifty years out on me. So now, I have to be grateful for my heart bursting, because had my heart not burst, I would still be accommodating my abuser and keeping the secrets. The secrets of his pain are as vast as the scar he hides from everyone. The scar on the inside of my abuser is deeper than the gaping scar he hides on his body, hidden under his clothes. There are no more secrets....ABUSE is not a secret!

This is why there is no hope for my abuser. The band aid therapy has settled him for the moment, but once the band aid comes off, and it certainly will, and his deep gaping wounds are exposed once more, the wolf will be revealed. It takes a keen eye and a woman that is willing to value herself enough to avoid being eaten by the wolf, someone to look past the quietness and acknowledge that their intuition is the barometer to trust. This sheep revealed many inappropriate behaviors and personality problems from the start. Your intuition will tell you that this is NOT a sheep. Kudos to the gal that would foster her own sickness to be with this abuser!! Had I trusted my intuition, I would have saved myself the pain of being tortured by a wolf. However, I have learned that if I didn't feel this pain, I would have been "that gal" accommodating my abuser.

Attenzione! "Una pecora in wolve abbigliamento !!"


Broken Hearts
"Relationships while linear are volatile and sometimes disappointing.
This imbalance of energy can leave the individual who gives too much energy a sense of incompleteness that is devastating.
It is important to understand the "energy" involved in every relationship and how balance is the key to it all.

"Like always attracts like". If you are involved with another who wounds your heart the most important thing to do is to revive your own personal energy. The more broken your heart the more you may attract negativity. This is not to say that the other individual bears no responsibility. It merely suggests that the value of your worth is determined by yourself.

To allow another to diminish that may be acceptable once if you are seeking experience.
However, to allow such energy exchanges to continue reflects upon the opinion you have of your energy.
In most cases it is highly doubtful that the other energy involved will change it's pattern. It is up to you to examine and realign your own [energy] .
Consider that the relationship may have been created by your higher self for just that reason... to know your worth and to discover your own potential.

A broken heart mends if the proper attention is delivered by the self to the self.

--VERONICA

www.InnerWhispers.net

The Truth is the only path to any success you wish to manifest. It is never a positive moment to be lying to others whether it bothers your linear conscience or not.

There is damage to the soul while participating in something that is untrue.

--VERONICA